Bolder!

Green Peppers and Focus

I was surprised by the amount of feedback that my article on multi-tasking received. It sounds like a lot of us are longing for a simpler way of being. To be able to focus on one thing is a luxury these days that seems hard to come by.

Focusing may be more difficult than you expect so I suggest you start in small ways.

 When was the last time you appreciated the beauty of vegetables? Really look at them as you prepare the evening meal tonight. Slicing a green pepper in half reveals the beauty of pattern and a luscious scent!

As you drive to work, turn off the radio and enjoy the journey.Are the leaves starting to change in your area? Or are the rains turning that summer brown to green again?

Really be with your kids when they come home from school today. Give them your full attention. Being heard and appreciated is rare these days. And who knows, maybe they'll even listen to you!

The point is to BE with one thing for just ten or fifteen minutes today. Then build on that start.

Today I'm writing outside on my front deck, enjoying the gift of sunshine, flowers and hummingbirds. I feel so blessed to call this my 'office' and I take a few moments each hour to look up and notice the breeze, the birds and the flowers. Practicing gratitude helps me to focus and to BE.

I encourage you all to pull away from the busyness of modern life for a few minutes and step out of doors. Take a few deep breaths and practice gratitude for what you find out there.

"The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers. - Thich Nhat Hanh"

Real Celebrity

Quick - answer these questions:

1. Name the 5 wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last 5 Nobel Prize winners.
3. Name the last 5 Miss Universe winners.
4. Name the last 6 Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
5. Name the last 10 World Series winners.

How did you do?

Don't worry if you didn't know the answers. Most people don't. They are yesterday's headlines and their achievements are quickly forgotten, no matter how loud the applause was.

Here's another quiz.

1. Name the teacher(s) who made a difference in your school career.
2. Name 3 friends who have helped you through tough times.
3. Name 5 people who have taught you valuable life lessons.
4. Name 3 people who make you feel appreciated.
5. Name 5 people you enjoy spending time with.

These are the people who make a difference in your life. The rest of us probably haven't heard of them. They don't have the most impressive credentials, bags of money or make the headlines. They simply care.

Most people don't care what you do until they know you care. Whose list would your name be on?

Courage in Action

I've been playing with the idea of "boldness" a lot lately. I find it resonates with many of my readers.  Last month we explored it during the Bolder Women series and I had women join the calls from all over the world. Most of us long for bolder lives.

  To me, bold means more than getting past my fears. It's seeing courage come to life in actions. To live boldly isn't something that's invisible to those around us. Boldness makes an impact. Boldness has power to create change.

So let's stop talking about self-improvement. Instead, let's talk about what we as women are up to in this world. What is the change you want to create? What are you meant to be up to while you're on this planet?

Big questions, I know but I'm convinced they reflect the underlying longing we each have for significance. Self-improvement is just a way to distract ourselves because it feels like we're up to something. But we weren't put here to just work on our selves. We, each one of us, has a purpose and a responsibility and we were born with the tools we need to meet that responsibility. I also believe we live our most joy-filled and full-filled lives when we get up to being on purpose.

In my own quest I found as answer. My purpose for being here is to help women like you make a difference in your world. It's time for me to claim it and take bold action!

So you'll be reading a lot more about this subject on this blog. And if you're a Christian woman of spirit, visit my new blog at aprillejanes.typepad/bolder_spirit as well. Some of the posts will look similar but I will be writing from a more spiritually-based value system.
 
You may also want to set aside the weekend of October 2-4, 2009.  I'm putting together a 3-day retreat for "Bolder Women on Purpose". Details to come soon but space is going to be limited to ensure a rich experience for everyone who attends. If you want to get your name on the list now, drop me an email and I'll send you advance notice when registration opens.

The Positive Side of No

Recently I was talking to a young mother who felt overwhelmed by all her commitments and the things she had to do in a day. As we talked I started to suggest that she needed the word 'no' but before I could finish she cut me off.

"No is a negative and I don't invite it in."

In the moment my thought was to reframe what I was about to say but her statement has stuck with me simply because I could hear her pain. There was a definite disconnect between her belief and what she was experiencing in her life. I felt it as she said it but it eluded me until later when I had time to think about it.

I realised there was a basic assumption being made. It's one I hear often, particularly from those who are striving to live a conscious life.  Simply, that the word 'no' itself carries a negative charge.

The disconnect occurs because this assumption creates a powerful consequence. By refusing to use the word 'no', we relinquish our power of choice.

So I am challenging that assumption here. I believe that 'no' possesses some very positive aspects, such as protecting our boundaries which in turn support our mental and physical wellness.  The perfect example of this is how 'no' protects our children from predators. You would never take the power of that word from them.

In the same way, 'no' protects you from the predators that prey on your time and energy. Without the option to say 'no' we are at the beck and call of everyone else's agenda as well as our own ego's demands.

It's not the words, yes or no, that carry a positive or negative charge but rather the intention with which you use them.  Consider this:

Are you  saying 'yes' or 'no' without thought to the consequences? Either answer is a negative influence in our lives if we operate on autopilot.

Are you saying 'no' because the request steps on one of your core values? In this case your 'no' is positive because you are maintaining healthy boundaries.

Will you answer 'no' in order to say 'yes' to something that is a higher priority for you?  Creating balance in your day, week and year is a huge positive, reducing stress.

Are you saying 'no' because of fear? Definitely a negative charge but again, it's not the word that carries it but the fear itself.  Often closely related is replying with a 'no' because a request takes you out of your comfort zone.

Are you responding 'yes' to please someone else?  Or perhaps to please your own ego?  Again, this so-called positive reply usually carries negative consequences.

There are plenty of other scenarios we could explore but the bottom line is this - when we make up the rule that we can't say 'no' we remove our own freedom of choice, one of the most valuable freedoms we possess. At the extreme end of this spectrum is something like a Stepford Wife!

We can even trace the current economic crunch to this flawed assumption. When we said 'yes' to all our wants because credit was easy to obtain, negative energy built up until we could no longer sustain the illusion. Now we are being forced to say 'no' because a universal law states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Without choice, our lives become busier and busier, filled with the demands of others. We build up time and energy debts that must eventually be paid. Then, like the economy, we crash and burn under the strain of trying to do it all and please everyone.

In the end you'll find that a few, well-spoken nays are vital to the balance of your life.